To be honest I don't know what really wrong with me.  I think my immune system is shutting down.  My headaches are gettin' more frequent, my nausea has not stopped, the urge to gag is unbearable.

My emotions are on a fucking joyride. I can't stand to be this way. I don't like to cry at the drop of the hat. but it seems that when the hat does drop. tears roll down. i end up with little black rivers running down my face 'cause the pool has overflowed.

I hope this is just the winterblues or pms.

forever yours . . .

Diandra

To My *Papa

So much stuff I wanna say and yet I cannot say for I'm afraid. I'm afraid of being too honest and too free. but on here I can be whatever I want to be and say what I feel without fear. which is why I love this site.

I like you a lot. It bugs me no no it drives me insane to see you pursuing other girls. Arn't I enough? Don't I do enough?  I hate this feeling of uncertainty and jealousy.

Here's what I decided on Wednesday night/Thursday Morning of last week.  If you did not know what to do with the whole "us" situation, I was going to leave . . . as much as I didn't want to, as much as it would hurt, I would.

I promised you that I wouldn't leave you 'til you left me.

But sometimes promises must be broken in order to save oneself.

Forever yours . . .

Diandra

Holy Mother Goddess!

I am back! sooo sorry about the long ass delay!    hmm . . . where should I begin?

I am now 18 years old, I've got the college life and loving it!  I live on campus, which is wonderful because the past summer I've been dying to get out of the house.

I've come to the conclusion that my mother hates me and nothing you guys will say will sway my opinion.

my social life is picking up! I've got new friends, its a bit trying to be in contact with my old friends 'specially since I'm not in town anymore and my phone sucks and I have no car.

but w/e.

my love life .  .  . is dead.

my sex life . . . is wonderful.

Its been awhile and for that I am truly sorry. Hope every had a wonderful new year and Happy belated Yule day to my fellow pagans.

Right now I'm tired. really tired. of everything. of everyone. some people are just so stubborn. being stubborn can be a good thing but not in certain situation and so you gotta quit being a stupid jackass and get with the fucking program.

I have a secret, that I want to and don't want to tell. but who do I tell? There are only three people I can really trust with this secret. My best friend from preschool but who's been distancing herself from me (or is it the other way around?), my best friend who is also my cousin but I'm embarrased to even begin telling her, I don't know how to start or if I'm just making a mountain out of a mole hill, my close friend who I am able to talk to about sex/sexual things but is not in the full trust circle?

who do I tell? Is there anyone else I can trust? I don't even trust myself.

forever yours . . .

Diandra

continuting from my last post:

Am I so different? I believe I am . . . I think so anyway. I want to be. I don't want to be the person I was a year ago. I was stupid and naive well I still am but even less so. ya know? I know what I want out of the future and I don't want anything to get in the way and that also means getting rid of friends who are hurting my chances of a better future. well not per se that they're ruining me but I don't want to be influenced by their decisions so I move away from them. I know everyone isn't perfect but that doesn't mean you can't try to be you know? maybe I'm just not making sense with this. I dunno. but signing off

forever yours . . .

Diandra